I have written part of my story, part of one that happened to me this year so you can understand why I have been absent from WordPress. There are 6 entries and they are interspersed with images of Christmas.
I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas and to others that don’t celebrate, then I wish you peace and <3. I am writing this missive so you can understand hopefully why I have been absent from WordPress. It has been an unpleasant year that I am still trying to recuperate from. First of all my partner passed away in March of this year which was an enormous loss to me and which started a chain reaction event of 9 more deaths involving my friends and two other friends that have been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I also lost two of my cats that I had to be put to sleep and the other two up for adoption as I would not be able to pay for vet bills should they have occurred. This was also heart wrenching as was giving up my house. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me or have pity as sometimes life gives you a curve. I believe from all of this there will be a spiritual growing period. I have life better than some at the moment so I am counting my blessings with my situation and circumstances that I find myself in. Enjoy every minute with your partner, friends and family as things can change in a day and not for the best. For me I shall rise.
With the passing of my partner something has died within me and after 9 months that death is still present. I can’t put my finger on it to give it a label so people can understand what I am feeling. I have never felt like this before. It is almost as though part of my soul has died.
I write words, sentences to begin a poem and some of these words, sentences would in the past spin me off into writing two or three poems. I look at these lines or words today and I have no desire to finish. I was prolific when writing poetry. Before you start analyzing me – no I am not depressed or any other psychological attributes you may want to assign to me. Poetry was my life before and no I don’t have writer’s block…I just pick up my pen and I freeze which I call the dead-zone and put my pen down as fast as I picked it up. No rhyme or reason to this as there is not many words to string a poem together. It just is. I am not afraid to write. Hopefully something will give soon.
Good news is I am accumulating lots of material to write with for later. I still garden which is another one of my necessities of life. I read, I sketch but it seems writing is not dead, it is just not picking itself up. I don’t know if this is a part and parcel of what died in me but I feel I can get back to writing. I am not being hard on myself because of this and I am confident I will begin writing again. Grief only speaks in its own time and is different with each person and also can be compared to a fingerprint. Yes there is a lot less grief and this Yuletide Festivities seems to bring out the grief a little more. There is half of me that is missing and I know it will never fill itself. If anyone has had a soul mate or a twin flame and lost them you will understand that it is a different kind of grief. Yes, it will be little difficult getting through this Christmas season but all of this shall pass as well.
My hope for all of you this Christmas Season or however you celebrate or not is to find the utmost joy and happiness and total peace and <3. Be well my friends.